Mmm, God particle

Ten steps to perform in the event that you have accidentally swallowed the Higgs boson.

7. Do you feel protons decaying? Grand Unification may be occurring near your vital organs. However, this may be caused by far less elegant X bosons — the poor man’s Higgs, as it were. We shall not deal with these “country cousins” here. Still, you must not use electroweak force in this situation. You must at least attempt to curb the force of your nuclei to delay Grand Unification. You would be wise to begin a preventive training regimen for your nuclei right away — Fermion My Wayward Son (Bloomsbury, 1996) contains the internationally accepted techniques.

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