Hopefulness Is the Warrior Emotion
The musician Nick Cave was on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert earlier this week (full interview) and he read a letter from his Red Hand Files, an AMA project where fans write in with questions and he answers them. The question was:
Following the last few years I’m feeling empty and more cynical than ever. I’m losing faith in other people, and I’m scared to pass these feelings to my little son. Do you still believe in Us (human beings)?
In a lovely letter in response (which he reads in the video above), Cave writes that “much of my early life was spent holding the world and the people in it in contempt” and that “it took a devastation to understand the idea of mortal value, and it took a devastation to find hope”. That devastation was the death of his 15-year-old son in 2015, which he talks more about in this interview and in this book. Cave’s response concludes:
Unlike cynicism, hopefulness is hard-earned, makes demands upon us, and can often feel like the most indefensible and lonely place on Earth. Hopefulness is not a neutral position either. It is adversarial. It is the warrior emotion that can lay waste to cynicism. Each redemptive or loving act, as small as you like, Valerio, such as reading to your little boy, or showing him a thing you love, or singing him a song, or putting on his shoes, keeps the devil down in the hole. It says the world and its inhabitants have value and are worth defending. It says the world is worth believing in. In time, we come to find that it is so.
I promise, your day will be better if you take a few minutes to watch or read this letter. And the entire interview is worth watching as well — there is no better interviewer on the topic of loss and grief than Stephen Colbert.
Comments 4
Wow. Thank you for this, Jason. I’ve been reading his Red Hand Files site periodically through the day since I read your post this morning. There is so much good stuff there. In particular, his writings on hope, grief, loss, and how to not be disappointed by others.
Nick Cave is a spiritual treasure. I have subscribed to the Red Hand Files for years and have found wisdom, solace, and humor in equal measures.
I've been reading almost daily since 06 or 07 but to my knowledge I haven't chimed in since you added comments. But the Red Hand Files is such a treasure, and Faith, Hope and Carnage was one of the very best things I read last year that I had to shout this out! Cave is a profound and profoundly compassionate thinker, and I'm amazed and grateful that he makes himself so available and so vulnerable.
Colbert's interviews are often get unexpectedly poignant, and this conversation was such a treat.
This was cathartic, having come at the end of my long battle with perinatal depression and perhaps cynicism too. I think depression and cynicism have a lot in common. They both block joy, connection, and interest. Cave's list of small redemptive or loving acts leaves me sobbing because I've seen how much they mean to my own little boy (1.5 years old), and how much they mean to me. In case anyone reading this is struggling during their transition to parenthood (and yes, fathers can get postpartum mental health disorders too), please know you're not alone, and I can attest to the helpfulness of Postpartum Support International's online and phone group sessions.
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